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aremo aripersonal Life

Raw

12 years.

They say time heals all pain, but I guess 12 years just isn’t even enough for me to even smile about it.

It really hurts when someone who is suppose to care for you & love you unconditionally decides that they don’t want anything to do with you anymore and leaves you and your family without much thought & consideration.

The feeling is still just too raw. I rarely talk about it with anyone, and when I do, I’m always close to tears.

I’ve had people ask me if I’ve asked my dad to be at the wedding. I tell them that I’ve told my brother to tell him (since he has more contact with him anyway) and usually they would just back off.

Then there are the usual persistent family members who go all,
” aww… But he’s your dad. You should tell him personally… Bla bla,”

Seriously?! I’m only even asking him out of courtesy. As far as I’m concerned, I don’t have a father. He may have been someone who gave me life, but I don’t ever remember him being “fatherly” or in fact, present in my life much. I was raised by my mom to be the person I am today, no thanks to him.

So you go around saying stuff like, “but he’s your dad, you should keep in touch with him,” but I don’t see you making an effort into doing the same. So just drop it. Why should I waste my energy on someone who doesn’t want or care to be in my life?

Just thinking about this makes me so angry and sick to my stomach (from all the pent up emotions). If I hadn’t have gotten out when I was younger, I think I would have turned out a lot more dysfunctional.

I wish some people would just stop bringing this up. I will share when I’m ready to share. I think pretty soon I would have to go to therapy just to unload all of these emotional baggage. D:

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aremo Life randoms

my mantra for the year 2012

I will make time for myself to do some soul searching.

I will make time to travel.

I will learn to be more independant.

 I will stop and smell the roses sometimes.

I will try to not stress about the small stuff.

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aremo

Mind vomit

Do you ever get that feeling of being sad for no apparent reason? Maybe it’s just me, but I realize this often happens when I’m all by myself.

I guess being alone allows me some time to think about everything that’s going on in my life right now. I’m not saying that I’m not happy. I am – just, sometimes I feel there’s got to be more than this. I always feel as though I’m stuck in a hole that I can’t get out of, or a hurdle that I can’t overcome.

I still don’t know what to do with my life, and I’m envious of those who’ve already got everything mapped out. I’m in a rut. I want to move forward, but I can’t help but look back every time. Maybe I should do some soul searching.

Perhaps go somewhere to get away and clear my head? Ahh~ *rolls away and hides under the covers*

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aremo Life

Life goes on.

It’s finally over!

Final assessment is out of the way. Now to wait for graduation. :O It’s really hard to believe that 3 years just went by so quickly. It’s even harder to believe that I’m GRADUATING! It really seems surreal, and although I said that I wasn’t gonna be sad… I have to admit that with the feeling finally setting in, I AM gonna miss some of the stuff…and the friends I’ve made.

Now I have to focus on making my final collection for the fashion show in December (plus work on some other adhoc works) and also start a new chapter in life. I’ve already got a job offer and I start on Monday, part-timing for the moment. Sometimes I feel like I’m not ready to let go of college life, but it has to end sometime. :S

Drat.

Feeling a little melancholic now.

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aremo aripersonal Life

At the beginning…

Danny and I celebrated our 8th anniversary on the 11th June 2011. It was also the day that he decided to propose to me. 🙂

The proposal wasn’t really super romantic, but I guess it was romantic enough for me. It started after our anniversary dinner, when we got home. He had asked me what could’ve made the day even more special. I told him the day was special enough. He humored me by taking me to Aquaria to see the fishes. We walked around Pavilion, and we had a yummy anniversary dinner. But in my head, I was wishing for a proposal. I mean, after 8 years, wouldn’t you too? I was ready to spend the rest of my life with him, but I do know that he didn’t seem like he was ready, so I let the subject go.

So when he asked me to close my eyes and turned off the light, I got a tad scared. He then asked me to open my eyes and there it was, the words I never thought he would say (so soon!) written on FB.

” Will you marry me?”

I was stunned. I wasn’t jumping up and down screaming YES!! But I did hug him and peeped a barely audible yes. XD It was incredibly surreal. Even after waking up the next day, I felt like it was a dream. It wasn’t until I saw the ring again that I truly thought, “wow! It really happened.” I have no words to describe the feeling. It is incredibly weird on one hand, yet normal on the other.

Danny says the ring is just to “officiate” everything. I mean, almost everyone I know thinks of us as a married couple already. So yes, a lot of planning in the near future. It’s also a scary feeling, not knowing what to expect. We’ve yet to settle on a date as we’re looking at a good date according to the Chinese calendar. 🙂

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aremo aripersonal Life

Another year…

So another year has gone by. Plans were derailed a little, but soon got back on track.

Had my birthday dinner at Munakata Japanese restaurant which is located at jalan sultan Ismail ( where kl live center is) and I must say, the food is pretty good. Their menu is both ala carte as well as buffet so we had our fill. Only rant is that they forgot to put my ice cream cake in their freezer, so it melted. 🙁

Surrounded myself with my usual gang of friends ( plus brother & mom) and had a laugh cos everyone in attendance was required to wear the kitteh hat & gloves which I brought along.

20110412-054616.jpg

Me thinks the kitty paws has magical powahs! The Bf seemed to enjoy donning them had was doing random cat poses in them. XD Another person enchanted by them paws was tootie. XD

So another year older and I still don’t know what i wanna do with my life. Currently everything is just feeling so mundane. Maybe after I graduate, I wanna just take a break before going to work. I’m feeling a little afraid of what the future holds. Funny, right?

Ive got so much in my head right now and I dont know what to write down. Don’t know why I’ve been feeling sad most times now even when I have absolutely no reason to be. :s I don’t know why am I experiencing this emotional rollercoaster again. :/

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aremo Life

Achy Breaky

First of all…Happy New Year! (although I’m 6 days late. :P)

Been pretty busy with tons of stuff… namely internship, working part-time, running about…etc.

My feet are killing me this moment. I stood for 8 hours straight, sat down for an hour (dinner) and stood again till 10-ish. I couldn’t even have lunch for fear of missing some potential customers. =.=” That, and also the fact that I was too busy to even take a short break.

I feel them throbbing with pain. T_T How do some people do it? (stand for the whole day) So incredibly pooped out. I hope there isn’t more of this cos my feet and knees are about to give way. XD (Yes, I feel that old already) I’m already missing college already.

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aremo aripersonal randoms

I am thankful

Sometimes I forget that I have so much going on for me.

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aremo aripersonal Life

No f*ckin title

I swear, it’s times like these that I feel that it’s just not worth it.

Comments off.

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aremo aripersonal randoms rants

HolyMoly~

I need to think of things to update. I think my brain has probably turned into goo. =.=” Gotta sleep in the “guest room” surrounded by tons of stuff cos they’re still doing up our room. Our toilet is none existent right now cos they’ve removed all the tiles, “throne” and shower. It’s also incredibly dusty… but at least the drilling has stopped. (or maybe it’s cos I’m away at college)

Still am pretty busy, with college work and work placement and all. I’ve finally submitted my internship form. I dunno if I made the right choices though. *scared* I really wouldn’t mind going to Singapore to intern, but it’s the whole cost of living and such. If I didn’t have to worry about that, well, I wouldn’t mind interning anywhere. *sigh* Anyone in SG willing to put me up for 3 months? XD