12 years.

They say time heals all pain, but I guess 12 years just isn’t even enough for me to even smile about it.

It really hurts when someone who is suppose to care for you & love you unconditionally decides that they don’t want anything to do with you anymore and leaves you and your family without much thought & consideration.

The feeling is still just too raw. I rarely talk about it with anyone, and when I do, I’m always close to tears.

I’ve had people ask me if I’ve asked my dad to be at the wedding. I tell them that I’ve told my brother to tell him (since he has more contact with him anyway) and usually they would just back off.

Then there are the usual persistent family members who go all,
” aww… But he’s your dad. You should tell him personally… Bla bla,”

Seriously?! I’m only even asking him out of courtesy. As far as I’m concerned, I don’t have a father. He may have been someone who gave me life, but I don’t ever remember him being “fatherly” or in fact, present in my life much. I was raised by my mom to be the person I am today, no thanks to him.

So you go around saying stuff like, “but he’s your dad, you should keep in touch with him,” but I don’t see you making an effort into doing the same. So just drop it. Why should I waste my energy on someone who doesn’t want or care to be in my life?

Just thinking about this makes me so angry and sick to my stomach (from all the pent up emotions). If I hadn’t have gotten out when I was younger, I think I would have turned out a lot more dysfunctional.

I wish some people would just stop bringing this up. I will share when I’m ready to share. I think pretty soon I would have to go to therapy just to unload all of these emotional baggage. D: